Conservatives vs. Liberals…who’s happier?

“Pew Research Center in 2006 reported that conservative Republicans were 68 percent more likely than liberal Democrats to say they were “very happy” about their lives.”

I am a fan of being happy and I also like it when other people are happy too! I was on my lunch break today and I stumbled across an article that was simply titled, “Why Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals”

Now that may not seem like a crazy title for an article if you are reading a Tea-Party website, but I found it on the New York Times website! It was listed as an ‘opinion’ article, but if you actually read it there is very little opinion in it. It lists facts and studies about happiness.

I appears that religion and marriage are two of the biggest keys to living a happy life. It is not money, possessions, education or job status that will make you happy. I know I have readers from all kinds of backgrounds, religious views, political views and social views. I’m not saying that YOU are not a happy person if you don’t fit into the box that this article says makes for happy people.

What I am saying is to consider this: “Fifty-two percent of married, religious, politically conservative people (with kids) are very happy — versus only 14 percent of single, secular, liberal people without kids.” This is surprising to me when I hear people talk around me or when I watch TV. It would seem like we are told that single liberals should be the happiest people on earth! They are the ones that don’t have to worry about getting their kids up in the morning, they can go sleep with whoever they want, they can party all night Saturday night and not have to feel bad about not getting up for church on Sunday. That would SEEM like what would be the case, but in actuality it is not.

So what do you do with information like this? What it does to me is remind me that appearances are not always what is really going on. Just because someone smiles and makes you think they are happy does not mean that they are truly happy. Also just because society tells you that you will be happy when you…whatever they are selling at the moment…you don’t have to believe them.

You can do whatever you want with this. I found it interesting and I thought you might find it interesting too.

‘The grass is always greener’ and other lies we believe

A few years ago I was walking through the airport on my way to my gate and I stopped at the gift shop. I usually bring a book to read but this time I didn’t so I walked up to the book section. I found one that immediately grabbed my attention. It was about a concept that I had never really thought about. What if we really did get all the things we wanted when we wanted them? Would that make us happy? The conclusion the writer came up with was no. The joy we find in life is from the things we go through every day that we didn’t think we were going to go through. I was going to buy the book, but it was a hardback copy and it was over priced (as everything is at the airport) so I just told myself I would buy it when I got home. I didn’t buy it. I have been looking for it ever since. The problem is that I don’t remember the name!

The reason I am bringing this story up right now is because of a discussion I had yesterday. On twitter a question was posed: “When I get what I want, will I want what I’ve got?”

My response to that was, “No. People want what they don’t have, the hunt is where the thrill exists.” I guess the problem with this is that I was not talking about myself, I was talking about people in general.

It made me stop and take a look at myself. Do I think that the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence? Am I only interested in the “hunt” and not on actually getting what I say I want. The conclusion I came to is sometimes. It freaked me out to think that I might be part of the group that is more interested in chasing things than in actually getting what I want, so I decided do some soul searching and some research.

According to everything I could find online it takes an income of $75,000 per year right now to be happy. I found multiple articles and studies that said this was the magic number and here is one of the articles: “How Much Money Makes You Happy?”

I don’t make $75,000 per year currently. At no point in my life have I made $75,000 per year up to this point. I am a happy guy. I really am happy. One of the things I found out in my research is that people stress about money a lot! I have seen that in the lives of friends and family. I am not really one to stress about money. I don’t need stuff. There is no bigger, better, nicer thing that I am saving my money to get. I am not running up credit cards so I can out-do my neighbors. That is just not who I am. I’m not saying that I am somehow the only person who is not materialistic and consumed with stuff. I know a lot of people who are less worried with what they have than they are in how much they can help someone else.

This all made me realize a few things. First off, there are a lot of people consumed with themselves and their own stuff. If the research that was done is correct than wow…we are really all about things in America today. I guess I knew that, but hadn’t thought about it in a while.

Another thing it made me realize is that there is so much more in life than just me and my stuff. When we get our eyes off of us and onto how we can make a difference we can change lives. There are people who change lives every day. People who do a lot more than me…and probably more than you too. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty for having stuff. If you make over $75,000 then that is awesome for you!

My only question is will you help someone else or will you keep it just for you and yours? I find that helping people with what I have been given is way more rewarding and brings me more happiness than spending it on myself. I know I can’t be alone in that.

I know a guy who gives more than he takes. You may or may not agree with everything he says or exactly how he does what he does…but he helps people that others ignore. Take a second and consider helping him help others. If not him, find someone or something you believe in and make a difference. We can change the world for the better. We just have to get our eyes off of ourselves.

Go to http://www.theoneinc.org/ or click the picture below.

Why I stopped arguing with people…even when I’m right

Some people may not agree that I don’t argue with them…my younger brother is probably on that list. I guess I don’t argue with people nearly as often as I used to. That might be a more accurate description of my life.

I used to be convinced of two things:

1. I was right about pretty much everything.

2. I needed to let you know when you were wrong.

(yes…sometimes I was THAT guy)

I no longer agree with this line of thinking.

Now people matter more to me than always having to show everyone that I am right, but that was not always the case. When I was young I would argue about anything and everything just to prove to you that I knew more than you. I got older, found out I was not always right and also that arguing with people is simply a waste of time. It is a waste of my time and their time.

I have a couple reasons why I think it is a waste of time. First of all, my arguing with you is not going to make you change your mind. All it is going to do is make you mad at me, even if I prove that you are wrong. People make choices based on cost vs. reward. If the reward out weighs the cost then they will do that. That is where the problem I have seen comes into play. We all make decisions on the cost vs. reward based on flawed logic, faulty information and insider information. Let me explain.

Since people need examples for things to make sense I’m going to give you an example of what I consider to be flawed logic and I will make it a current example pulled from the headlines of the current election. Mitt Romney said that he is not worried about the “very poor” or the “very rich” in America. Now the very rich I can understand. They are doing just fine. He said and I quote, “We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it…” Now in my opinion he believes what he is saying. He also is looking at this through flawed logic. The “very poor” are not doing ok…they are VERY POOR! A safety net may keep them alive, but that does not make them anything but alive very poor people! We may not agree on this one, but that is fine. You can probably take my writings and find some flawed logic that you can point out to me.

 

Faulty information is another reason people make decisions that are wrong even though they think they have weighed the cost vs. reward. This can range from big to small decisions. We all believe some things that simply aren’t true. The problem is this, we believe they are true! If you are convinced that 2 + 2 = 5 then you will never be able to come up with the all the right answers in a math class. Until you change what you believe you will add things up incorrectly.

Finally there is insider information. What I mean in this case by insider information is not what you probably think I’m talking about so I will explain. What I mean is that we all have intentions, motives and reasons we do things. We might make one decision because we know about another decision we are going to have to make in the future. No one else knows all your insider information. We don’t know your motives. We don’t know what really drives you. So to the outside world (everyone else) your cost vs. reward balance is not correct.

That brings me to the reason that I stopped fighting. I know I already lost some of you, but for those still reading here it is. I stopped arguing with people because I can’t change any of the factors that go into their cost vs. reward. I have argued with people and shown them that their logic is flawed and they still didn’t change their mind. Most of the time all I did was make them more upset. When someone believes something that is not true then there are very few times you can get them to change that belief by arguing with them. Also if someone has bigger reasons why they are doing something and that information is not something they want to share then there is truly no reason to argue.

I find it easier for everyone if I just smile and go on my way. If you want my opinion you can ask. I will tell you what I believe to be the truth. What I know now that I didn’t know before is that even when you prove that someone is wrong, they don’t always change their mind or agree with you. I live by the law of love. Loving people is giving them the truth but also knowing when loving the other person is more important than proving to them that you are right.

 

I have seen marriages end, friendships broken and countless people hurt because someone HAD to prove that they were right. When showing you know best or know more becomes more important than the other person then YOU are the one who is working with flawed logic. People matter the most. Keep that in perspective and you will be happier and more fulfilled…at least I am. Love always wins in the long run, no matter what the news says.

Happiness lies in being, not having

I recently read a friends blog post where she put the following article that she found from the Tulsa World…1969

 

“Recently a circular portrayed a family of four with beaming faces and each loaded down with bundles of goods purchased at a department store – with this caption: “You get more out of life the American way!” It went on to say, “The American way is to open a credit account – Do it today and you’ll begin to get more out of life…the American way!”

That, of course, is one way. But that is not the whole picture of life. There is love and kindness and poetry and beauty and heroic daring; they too, have meaning. Most people seem to think the primary interests of life are material. “How much did he leave?” we ask when some well-to-do man has died. He left all he had. It is not how much? The question is how true; how good; how beautiful; words which are honest, deeds which are just, purposes which are beautiful; these are the highest satisfactions in life.

You see, satisfaction lies not in having, not even in doing, but in being. Yet the idea of having has gone beyond the wildest dreams, and the idea of being is classed among the lost arts. To get the most out of life the human spirit must be something.

Some of the highest satisfactions in life may be found in creative work. Anyone who has ever entered into creative has found meaning and satisfaction in life for it comes out of work more than from any other thing. All great books, paintings, statues and musical compositions were achieved by those who lost themselves in their labors, and worked primarily for the joy in the work.

Consider the idea of creative sharing: In your day’s work, can you spare a kindly word, a friendly greeting, a wave of the hand? These simple actions have magic in them.

Can the idea by the great Idealist, “If you lose your life, you will gain it,” possibly be true? Some have tried it and have not been disappointed.

And you get more out of life by adventurous living. The reverence of the heroic has not died among us. There are still opportunities for adventurous living. They are not all confined to the exploits of the sea and the fields and the air.

Emotional agitations, resentment and violence are still to be curbed; criminal and lower temptations have never lost their power; hate is as deadly as before. What do you suppose would happen, if we should whole-heartedly give ourselves to truth, beauty, goodness as the one passion of our souls?”

by R.E. Dreger, printed in the Tulsa World February 16, 1969

 

The thing that made me laugh the first time I read this was when Dreger referred to Jesus as “the great Idealist”. I had never heard it said that way before. I have been told I’m cheesy and corny. I am told my glass half full view of the world and of people is unrealistic. I try to make people think…but more than that I try to make people think about others instead of always thinking about themselves. That is the thing I see less and less every day. People are consumed with themselves and their own pleasure. I’m not going to say that I don’t lose my focus from time to time but I really do my best to keep my perspective right.

Are you one of the ones that has tried the whole, “If you lose your life, you will gain it,” concept? Have you actually spent time trying to make others lives better? Do you spend more time doing things for others during your week than you do watching TV? I’m not even saying it has to always be the poor or people you don’t know that you need to help. How often do you focus on your family and friends? Do you make them dinner or sit down and listen to how their day went? It seems the longer we know someone the less likely we are to take time to try and make them feel special.

There are exceptions. I have seen couples who have been married for 30 years and still make sure to go out of their way to make their spouse feel loved. That is awesome to see, but I don’t see it very often. Also what about all the other people that you come in contact with? You can make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, but that WILL benefit you in the long run. What about going out of your way to help that person at office who doesn’t like you at all? What about putting away that shopping cart that you almost ran into because someone left it in the parking lot? What about giving your waiter a bigger tip than you think they “deserved” based on their service? We all have ways we can go outside of our normal routine and brighten the day for someone who needs it. Smile, hold the door for someone, say thank you and see what kind of response you get.

Live for others. Try it. I’m not the one who made it up. Life will be better.

It’s Friday…now you’re smiling. Where was that on Monday?

It is funny how what day of the week it is can control your attitude! People are so chipper this morning. That is a huge difference from the attitudes of everyone around on Monday and Tuesday of this week. Normally everyone complains about Mondays but this week Tuesday was a day that people didn’t seem to enjoy either. Not sure what was going on but there were not a lot of smiles…so I smiled at everyone I could to see if they would either smile back or get annoyed. I got a mixed reaction!

We (I say “we” in the most general sense referring to society, I normally don’t fit into my statements of “we”…so don’t get offended if I say “we” and you don’t consider yourself a “we”) complain about Monday. It is listed in movies, talked about on TV and always talked about in the offices where I have worked. Monday is normally the start of the work week and the official end of the weekend. Apparently most people hate their jobs so the idea of being at work for a whole new week is something worth complaining about. I don’t get that.

Other than sleeping, work is what we spend the most time doing in our life (again I know that not EVERYONE works…but you know what I mean). In America you get to pick what field of work you go into. I know that sometimes circumstances force us to do a certain job until we can finish school or make a move out of an area…etc. I also know that no matter what your teachers or your parents told you growing up we can not be “anything” we want to be. Some people will never be doctors, lawyers or firemen. You have things you are good at and things that make you happy. That is what you should do for a living.

So why do so many people hate their jobs? Why does Monday make everyone complain because they have to go to work? Most people have chosen to follow the path of least resistance when it comes to work. They find the jobs that they can get with the education they already have. They talk to their friends and find a job where they know someone already. They pick something that is close to home or close to their family. As long as the job meets their financial needs why try for something else? That is why most people hate their jobs. It is not what they wanted to do. It is not what they had in mind when they were growing up and now that they are adults they don’t see a way out of what it is that they do.

I recently spoke about being happy. I also wrote a blog about why I’m happy and your are not. One of the reasons that I am happy is because I do a job that I love! There are people that love their job besides me. I know that. There are also a lot of people who didn’t follow the path of least resistance. They worked hard to get the jobs they have…the problem is that a lot of them still hate their job. They hate the people at their job, they hate what they worked so hard to do.

My suggestion, and it is just a suggestion, figure out why you don’t like going to work on Monday. Is it what you do? Is it the people you work with? Is it the hours that you have to work? Changing jobs or changing locations will not make you happy if you didn’t know why you were not happy in the first place! I have seen people who thought it was the people around them that made them miserable. They changed jobs, they were happy for two weeks…and then the people at the new job did the same things that the people at the old job did! What do you think the common denominator was?

If everyone at every job has always treated you wrong and it is the same kind of wrong, more than likely it is something that you are doing. Maybe you don’t want to hear that, but it is true.

As for being happy on Friday and not on Monday, that is all about YOU! It is about choices you have to make to be happy. It has been said that life is “10 % of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.” I think this is true. You can be miserable on Monday if you choose to be miserable on Monday. You can complain about all the things that are going wrong in your life, or you can decide that life is good.

I had something happen earlier this week that turned the volume down on everything else in my life. Sometimes we get a wakeup call that brings things into perspective. Our life is not so bad. We are blessed to have all the people in our lives that do care about us. We are healthy, we have enough food to eat, we have a job (even if we don’t love it) and we have a place to sleep at night. Life could be a lot worse. As long as you are breathing you have the choice of whether you will be happy or not. It is Friday today so most of you will choose to be happy, how about you choose to be happy on Monday as well. Let’s try that and see how next week goes.

“Every man makes his own Summer.” 3 reasons why I’m happy and a lot of people aren’t.

“Every man makes his own summer. The season has no character of its own, unless one is a farmer with a professional concern for the weather. Circumstances have not allowed me to make a good summer for myself this year…My summer has been overcast by my own heaviness of spirit. I have not had any adventures, and adventures are what make a summer.”
— Robertson Davies, “Three Worlds, Three Summers,” The Enthusiasms of Robertson Davies     

I really like this quote because it puts the responsibility back on you to make your life worth living. In this post I am going to write a decent amount about myself, some of my experiences and I will cite my opinions. The reason for this is simply that I know I am telling me the truth. Most people don’t tell you the truth when it comes to how happy they really are at any given time. The average person lies 4 times a day and the most common lie is “I’m fine.”

That being the case I will just be able to tell you what I know about my own happiness. I am a generally happy person. I have been told in the past couple years buy multiple people that I am extremely cheesy! I say things that are on my mind. Often people will make you smile when you think about them or something to that affect and you won’t tell anyone. I normally try to tell that person. I let them know that I am thinking about them, I think they are great or they made me smile. Compliments shouldn’t all be saved up for someones funeral. That is my opinion, so I say stuff that might sound a bit on the cheesy side from time to time. The thing about it is that I truly am happy. I am happy to have the friends and family I have. I am happy with my job. I am happy with my choice of vocation. I am happy with my world view. I am happy I am able to help the people that I am able to help.  I am blessed beyond anything that I could possibly deserve.

One reason this makes me happy when so many people are miserable is that I recognize that I did almost NOTHING to deserve the things I have in my life. I didn’t pick the family I was born into. I didn’t create myself with the skills that I have. I also didn’t really make my personality. So that means that I am a product of what God gave me mixed with the experiences I have been through. I know I make choices but so much of what we have was neither earned or deserved.

The second reason I am happy and so many people are not is that I live a life that fits into what I think is right. I have a set of core values that I am always developing and refining. I live by those core values. I said the other day, “If you live a life that goes against YOUR core values you will be empty and ultimately unhappy. Be honest with yourself at least.”  Now I had a friend tell me he lives a life that fits his core values and he is unhappy…and who am I to say he is not telling the truth? I again can only go by my own experience. I am not the same person I was when I was 15, 20 or even 25. My views of the world, of God, of society and of myself have all changed. One thing that has remained the same is that I have always lived a life that fit into what I feel is right. I’m not perfect, I make mistakes and I have made a LOT of poor choices but for the most part I am happy with the life I live because I am the same guy when I’m around you or around someone else.

The third reason I am happy most of the time is that I am truly grateful for what I have. If I never make more money than I do right now, that is alright with me. If I never live in a bigger house, that is fine. I know that I am better off than most of the world and I try to give as much back to people who are in need as I can. I’m not sold on the “American dream.” I know that if I had more money I would be able to do more for people. The problem I see is that people who make more money get more stuff. They don’t normally stay living the way they were living before, the upgrade. When they upgrade they have less to help people with. I KNOW you all have examples of people who are very wealthy that are helping a lot of people. I have just seen it so many times where the people who don’t have very much were the ones that stepped up when people were in need. People that could have easily written a check and fixed the entire situation stood back and did nothing. So I am happy with the level of life I live on to a certain extent. I would actually be ok with less if that meant I was able to help more people. I am not tied to any possession that I have. If you need it more than me, you can have it. You don’t believe me? Test me. Your level of happiness is tied to your level of gratitude.

So I’m happy because: 1. I didn’t make my awesome life, it was a gift. 2. I live a life that fits my values. 3. I’m truly grateful for all I have.

 

 

You know you…but does anyone else?

The topic of how much people actually know you is something I have been thinking about for the past couple of months. There were several people this Summer that I thought I knew pretty well. I found out that the part of them that they let me see was not the strongest part or the part that they valued the most. I was caught off guard multiple times but when I took a step back and looked at the situations they made more sense.

Now my situation and the people in my life are not what this is going to be about. You don’t know who they are and if you are trying to guess you will be coming up with the wrong people. What this is going to be about is you. I want you to take a look at your own life, not the lives of those around you. When you are done reading this I would like a little feedback. What is funny is that I normally don’t get feedback on this blog, most of you comment on my facebook update instead.

So let’s begin. I was talking to my roommate about this the other night and we decided that there is more than 1 version of each of us. In my opinion each of us has at least 3 distinct personas.

1. The person that you believe to be you.

The one you “know” inside your own mind.

2. The person that you want other people to see.

This one is tricky because you let different people see different parts of you, so technically this is not just one picture of the man/woman in your mind.

3. The person that other people actually see.

Again, this is not just one picture. I don’t see you the same way your Mom sees you. How much you try to show someone and what parts of your life you make obvious are different depending on your relationship with that person.

I wrote not too long ago about the fact that I had different people in my life that thought things about me that I don’t believe to be true. I don’t believe I am quiet or stuck up and yet I had people tell me that I was both of those. They see me in a way that I am not trying to have them see me. They see me in a way that is not really how I see myself. The question that I want you to answer is does anyone really know YOU. The you that has an almost constant inner-dialogue going. The you that not only makes decisions but has 101 reasons why you chose to make that decision. Do you let anyone all the way in? Is that something that we should even want to do?

When you leave the room and others are still there, what do they have to say about you? What do you leave behind when you go? Should what people think about you even matter? I am not saying you should be a people pleaser. It is not my goal to have everyone agree with me or to have everyone think I’m great. I don’t need affirmation like that and if that is your only goal then you will constantly be let down. Some people won’t like you no matter what you do. That is life.

What I want to know really is who do you let past your walls? Who do you open up to and do you really let them all the way in? Do you not let people in because you don’t know if they would like what they see…or is it because you don’t like what you see? Does anyone really know you?