Who controls what you think you ‘want’

Want vs. Need is a discussion that could go on forever. I’m not here to tell anyone that they have to only survive with their basic needs being met and anything above that is wrong. What I am going to do is ask you why you desire the things you desire.

Who programs us to want the things that we line up for on Black Friday? What is the driving force behind the items that we make best sellers on amazon.com?

You don’t think you’re a programmed? Really? Take a look in your cupboards and tell me if you know the commercials associated with the products you see.

Look at your wardrobe and tell me what celebrity or tv personality is closest to “your style”….because it is your style right? You haven’t ever seen anything that would make you think it was acceptable to wear what you wear?

What about your car, or the decorations in your house? Where did the inspiration come from for the things that you own?

Companies spend millions on advertising each year to get you to own the idea of choice. You feel that you are the one in control because you went to Arby’s instead of McDonald’s.

We are constantly told what will make us happy. We are shown pictures of people who are generally better looking than us, by the standards of society, enjoying things that now we want. We didn’t know that those products would bring us such joy. Now that we do, we must have them so we can fill our lives with that joy.

The problem with this is not the products. It is with the illusion that those things will bring you joy.

Joy is not gained by things, it is experienced by enjoying time with family and friends.

This is obvious by the amount of suicides and overdoses in Hollywood. Powerful, famous, beautiful people decide that life is not worth living. We can’t understand it. People say, “If I had what they had, I would be so happy!” That is the illusion.

Basic needs have to be met in order to enjoy life…and keep on living. Beyond that it comes down to attitude and companions.

So what do we do about this illusion problem? How do we combat the barrage of images tell us what we must have to be happy? Those are the questions I want you to answer. We can’t move forward as a society unless we acknowledge that something is wrong. Once we acknowledge the problem, we have to work together to come up with the solution.

If you don’t think that you have a problem, then carry on. If what I said makes sense and you want to adjust the world around you, sit down and talk with your friends. Solutions come from community.

What legacy will you leave behind? Start now!

One day your life will end. A movie quote that always brings me back to earth is “On a long enough timeline, the life expectancy of everyone drops to zero.” We all live our lives like we will live forever. We ‘know’ that we won’t, but we secretly hope that we will be the one person who keeps on going. Science will make a breakthrough that will let us live forever! If we are honest with ourselves we know this is simply not the case. So what will you leave behind when you are gone? What will people remember about you? I ran across an article that gave me a link to a website about one man’s legacy.

His name was Aaron Collins and I didn’t know him. I also don’t know his family, but what he left in his will is something that has impacted people more than he probably ever imagined it would. Here is what is on the first page of the website:

Aaron passed away July 7, 2012 just 3 weeks after his 30th birthday.  He left us a will full of his personality. He asked that any debt he owed his parents be repaid should he have money in the bank at his death, but also had the following request:

“Third, leave an awesome tip (and I don’t mean 25%. I mean $500 on a f***ing pizza) for a waiter or waitress.”

Of course, the way he lived his life meant Aaron never had much and didn’t leave much.  We want to make his wish come true. So we are asking for donations to make this happen for him. Any money donated will go directly to this cause.  His hope was clearly that such a random gift of kindness would leave an impact for life.

Once we have $500 his family will go to dinner somewhere and leave it as a gift for the waiter or waitress.  If we continue to receive money, we will continue giving these gifts randomly, so that in his death he can touch the lives of many more people than he had even dreamed of doing in life.

If you can’t donate then please give a generous tip on your own.  Tell the waiter or waitress why, or don’t.  He would still be happy that you had done it.  Give them this website address if you’d like, or write it on the check, so they know they received the gift because of my brother.

The third thing on his list was to do something kind for people that he didn’t know. Here is the video of the first person that his family was able to give a $500 tip:

The most recent stat that is given is that they have received $57,000 in donations! That is 114 people who will now receive a $500 tip because Aaron thought it would be cool to put in his will. His death is a tragedy. No one should die at 30 years old, that is not a long enough life…but he was thinking ahead. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of people. What kind of legacy are you leaving?

Click Here to go to the website and see all the videos and read the stories of people who have been impacted. After you watch them, come up with a way to do something that will impact people in a positive way. We can all make a difference, all you have to do is try.

“True job creators are middle class consumers…” Let the debate begin

I read an article a couple months ago that confirmed what already made sense to me about economics. The whole concept of ‘trickle down economics‘ is one that I have had a hard time with for a while. It didn’t seem to add up and it didn’t seem to be working in America or around the world lately. I came across this article:

“Family net worth plummets nearly 40%”

It was not in some small time magazine, it was from the Money portion of CNN’s website. Now the part that I found particularly interesting was that not everyone in America was losing their ‘net worth’ at the same rate. In fact, take a look at this small portion of the article:

Families in the top 10% of income actually saw their net worth increase over the period, rising from a median of $1.17 million in 2007 to $1.19 million in 2010.

Meanwhile, middle-class families who ranked in the 40th to 60th percentile of income earners reported that their median net worth fell from $92,300 to $65,900 over the same time period.

The net worth of the top 10% did not skyrocket while everyone else plummeted…but it did go up while the rest of the country was in a decline.

I planned on writing about this when I read that article, but I wanted to do some more research before I wrote anything. I have a lot of friends who are on both ends of this spectrum. I know people who have succeeded in business that are 100% behind the concept of trickle down economics. I also know people who have no money at all and have just assumed that the people they elected were right when they said the rich create jobs and should have lower taxes so they can create more jobs. I have friends who fit in different economic sections and don’t agree with trickle down economics.

Those of you who don’t agree with my conclusions, feel free to let me know why you don’t agree. Just remember to be civil and talk to me about facts. Do not just state what you think is right or wrong, tell me why you think that and how you came to that conclusion.

I’m not un-American for suggesting that trickle down economics is a lie and that making laws and regulations based on a flawed model will/have hurt this country. Don’t accuse me of being a socialist or a communist or anything like that. Just look at the facts and lets talk about it.

Recently a man named Nick Hanauer spoke to TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) conference. For those of you who don’t know Nick by name, he is a multi-millionaire venture capitalist from Seattle. The video of his talk is less than 6 minutes long and it is right here:

If you don’t have 6 minutes to spare I will give you the gest of what Nick is saying in his talk. He states that the rich don’t create jobs. Jobs are actually the last thing that a rich business owner wants to make. Jobs are created because of the demand from the middle class consumers. He says that our politicians and our policies have been based on faulty information and a false premise. Only consumers can set in motion a cycle of increased demand and hiring. “In this sense an ordinary consumer is more of a job creator than a capitalist…” He says a lot more and I don’t consider myself to be an expert, but he seems like someone that you (the reader) may take a bit more seriously when it comes to the way business works.

There was another video that I watched. This is the one that might ruffle even more feathers than the last one, and I’m pretty sure that most of you will not take the 80 minutes to watch this video. It was a video called ‘The One Percent.” It was created by a 27-year-old man who is the heir to the Johnson & Johnson pharmaceutical fortune. Here is the link:

In this video he is mainly focused on the growing “wealth gap” in America. The thing about both of these videos was that they were both made by people on the other side of the 1% from me. I’m not in the wealthy group, I grew up in the middle class. My parents owned their own home when I was born and my Dad made enough money so that my Mom was able to stay at home until I was in Jr. High. We weren’t rich, but we had enough to eat (even if a lot of it was grown in our garden) and we didn’t get upset when others had more than us. I’m not jealous of anyone who has made lots of money. I’m not saying that rich people are all terrible and we should take all their money and give it to people who don’t work.

I’m saying that right now in America we are trying to create jobs the wrong way. We are giving breaks and writing legislature to make it possible for venture capitalists and the rich to keep more of their money so they can create jobs. The problem is that they are not creating more jobs. Here are two more small bits of the transcript from Nick Hanauer:

[O]ur current policies are … upside down. When you have a tax system in which most of the exemptions and the lowest rates benefit the richest, all in the name of job creation, all that happens is that the rich get richer.

Since 1980, the share of income for the richest Americans has more than tripled while effective tax rates have declined by close to 50%.

If it were true that lower tax rates and more wealth for the wealthy would lead to more job creation, then today we would be drowning in jobs. And yet unemployment and under-employment is at record highs.

 

and this:

Anyone who’s ever run a business knows that hiring more people is a capitalist’s course of last resort, something we do only when increasing customer demand requires it. In this sense, calling ourselves job creators isn’t just inaccurate, it’s disingenuous.

Now is the part where you get to tell me what you think. I’m not saying I’m the one with all the answers or that I am a business genius…I’m just asking you to take a look. If you don’t agree, then we are still in the same place we were before. At least you know where people are coming from when they say they don’t agree with your views on trickle down economics.

Conservatives vs. Liberals…who’s happier?

“Pew Research Center in 2006 reported that conservative Republicans were 68 percent more likely than liberal Democrats to say they were “very happy” about their lives.”

I am a fan of being happy and I also like it when other people are happy too! I was on my lunch break today and I stumbled across an article that was simply titled, “Why Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals”

Now that may not seem like a crazy title for an article if you are reading a Tea-Party website, but I found it on the New York Times website! It was listed as an ‘opinion’ article, but if you actually read it there is very little opinion in it. It lists facts and studies about happiness.

I appears that religion and marriage are two of the biggest keys to living a happy life. It is not money, possessions, education or job status that will make you happy. I know I have readers from all kinds of backgrounds, religious views, political views and social views. I’m not saying that YOU are not a happy person if you don’t fit into the box that this article says makes for happy people.

What I am saying is to consider this: “Fifty-two percent of married, religious, politically conservative people (with kids) are very happy — versus only 14 percent of single, secular, liberal people without kids.” This is surprising to me when I hear people talk around me or when I watch TV. It would seem like we are told that single liberals should be the happiest people on earth! They are the ones that don’t have to worry about getting their kids up in the morning, they can go sleep with whoever they want, they can party all night Saturday night and not have to feel bad about not getting up for church on Sunday. That would SEEM like what would be the case, but in actuality it is not.

So what do you do with information like this? What it does to me is remind me that appearances are not always what is really going on. Just because someone smiles and makes you think they are happy does not mean that they are truly happy. Also just because society tells you that you will be happy when you…whatever they are selling at the moment…you don’t have to believe them.

You can do whatever you want with this. I found it interesting and I thought you might find it interesting too.

Teen birthrates highest in “religious” states

Teen birthrates are down all across the country. They continue to be high in states that are considered “religious” and I’m curious as to why that would be. Here is the map out of an article that I read:

Being from Washington State (one of the states in the lower percentage rate) but now living in Arkansas (the second highest percentage at over 52%) I was actually pretty surprised by these numbers.

I have lived most of my adult life in OK and AR…two of the top three states for teen birthrates. These numbers are surprising but I can see them all around me. My question is why? The article I got this map from gave a couple of ideas.

Here is one small section:

“Teenage births remain high in more religious states. The correlation between teenage birthrates and the percentage of adults who say they are “very religious” is considerable (.69). The 2009 study posited that attitudes toward contraception play a significant role, noting that “religious communities in the U.S. are more successful in discouraging the use of contraception among their teenagers than they are in discouraging sexual intercourse itself.”

The numbers seem to back that up as at least part of the answer as to why the numbers are so different in certain states. I know that this can not be the only answer, but it is food for thought.

After I had already decided to write this blog post I saw this map and the article it was from on a friends Facebook page. He is someone who I would consider to be non-religious. He doesn’t go to church but he has a decent amount of friends who do. His favorite quotation is “moderation in all things.”

He had this to say about the article:

“While abstinence is the only way to ensure you won’t end up unintentionally pregnant, sick, or dead as a result of sexual activity, a point that should be stressed extensively in any sex education program, state funded education programs should provide a more farsighted approach to sexual education. It isn’t about teaching kids to have sex. It’s about teaching kids how to be responsible adults.”

I’m curious what you think. What is the answer to why Arkansas has more than double the amount of teens who get pregnant than Connecticut? What can be done about it?

 

Dad’s Matter…probably more than you thought

My Dad pointed out how many times pro athletes yell out, “Hi Mom” or how many times in awards ceremonies movies stars thank their Mom’s…but not their Dad. It was strange to me how that always seemed to be the case. I started looking for it after he mentioned it to me and he was right. All of the stories of the guys in the draft where the players lived a hard life…how many of them had fathers in their lives? With the NFL draft coming up, take a look. Watch the specials they put together. Listen to the men on the platform and who they thank.

Recently I read an article that had some startling statistics (you can read the entire article here) and I am going to put some of them here since I know most of you won’t click through to read the whole article:

1. 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
2. 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
3. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
4. 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
5. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
6. 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
7. 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
8. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
9. 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows for all God’s Children]
10. 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
11. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
12. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Some of these stats are pretty intense in my opinion…and still there is no sense of urgency for fathers to be a part of their kids lives. I see it every day. A single mother, working two jobs and doing the best she can. Usually she has the support of her family and friends and I know some awesome single mothers who do a great job. Please don’t take this as an attack on mothers and the amazing job they do with their children.

I was fortunate to have both parents raise me. I had a strong family unit, so I don’t know what it is like to spend weekends with one parent while being raised by the other one. I don’t know what it is like to only have one parent at all. I know I was blessed to be raised in the family I was born into and I am thankful for that.

The reason I wrote this blog was because from what I see going on around me there is a lack of men standing up and taking part in their children’s lives. There wouldn’t be stats on it if it was not happening. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home…that should bother the men who decided not to be fathers. I know there are exceptions. There are times when these men should NOT be around the child. I get that…but that can’t always be the case.

I don’t have any children. I know I’m not qualified to speak on how we need to fix this problem. What about something like this: The Fathering Project 

What if there were more things like this to help men be the fathers they need to be so that we don’t repeat the past. If we keep doing the same thing we are doing now, we will continue to get the same results.

It just seems to me that there is a problem and people are not talking about it. All I wanted to do was give you the information and get you thinking. What can we do?

You’re in a relationship…then you MUST be an expert!

It is almost Valentine’s Day. Some people think this is a holiday created by card companies…but whatever you think about it this much is true: people talk a lot about love in February.

Most churches and youth groups talk about relationships, love, marriage, sex and all of that. Commercials all have hearts and are colored pink. Stores are full of chocolate in heart shaped boxes. The price of a dozen roses goes up 1000%!  They say, “Love is in the air.” This blog post is not about any of that. I’m single this year for Valentine’s Day. I’m not upset about that, I don’t find my worth in relationships. What being single does do is give you a different perspective on this time of year.

I was talking to another single person. We made three observations that I thought I would share with you. I’m wondering if we are the only people who have noticed this, and these three things apply all year long. The conversation just came up because we were talking about Valentine’s Day.

1. If you are in a relationship that seems to be working, you are now an expert on all things relationship related.

It is funny when this happens to people that I actually have known for a while. It doesn’t matter that every relationship they have ever had has ended in a fiery ball of despair, NOW they know exactly what it takes to have the perfect relationship. History will never repeat itself. All past is forgotten and nothing I did before matters because NOW I have it all figured out. Taking advice from that person is always fun…especially if they have been in their current relationship less than a year. They still see the other person as almost perfect and everything they do as a couple is the way it should always be done.

2. If you start a relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend is now the best bf/gf that has ever existed and pretty much the best human that has ever walked the face of the earth!

This is a fun time to be around the new couple. They post of Facebook, twitter, text each other about how perfect they are and how they are the best ever. I don’t normally do this…but sometimes I think about saving those messages, tweets and Facebook posts to show them after the wheels fall off. I know the feeling of a new relationship. I get that you really do believe that person is the best thing that has ever happened! The problem is that most people believe these feelings should last forever. As soon as you don’t see this other person as perfect there must be something wrong. It is time to find a new perfect person for you, that is the obvious answer.

3. When your relationship ends, your ex is now the worst human on the face of the earth.

They are stupid. They are rude. They were always dumb. They were always controlling. They were never right for you and they probably aren’t right for anyone else. The ex is the scum of the earth! Sometimes it is because they broke your heart. Sometimes they really did do something that was wrong. A lot of times it is because we like to live on an emotional roller coaster. We are either head over heels in love…or we are ready to fight because we hate the person so much! Very little time is spent in the middle. At least not in the relationships I have seen…before marriage.

So here is what I have to say about all of this.

First, if you are in a relationship that is working congratulations! I am happy for you and I think you should keep it up! I just don’t really need you to explain what I need to do to find my perfect woman. I don’t need you to explain how you are making the perfect relationship run. If I am looking for advice I will ask you for it, but I don’t need it from you at the moment.

Second, I don’t think that your bf/gf is the greatest human being that has ever existed. The odds are that I think they are a good person. I might think be ok hanging out with both of you, but they didn’t “hang the moon” in my humble opinion.

Lastly, I don’t instantly think that your ex is now the worst person who ever lived. If they broke your heart, I will be here to support you. What I won’t do is instantly cut them out of my life and brand them a terrible excuse for a human. Let me choose who I am friends with and who I am not friends with. You don’t have to like it. Know I will always be there for my friends, but if your ex is my friend too don’t get mad when I don’t jump on your hating band-wagon.

These are just my observations that were brought on by a conversation about Valentine’s Day.

Why I stopped arguing with people…even when I’m right

Some people may not agree that I don’t argue with them…my younger brother is probably on that list. I guess I don’t argue with people nearly as often as I used to. That might be a more accurate description of my life.

I used to be convinced of two things:

1. I was right about pretty much everything.

2. I needed to let you know when you were wrong.

(yes…sometimes I was THAT guy)

I no longer agree with this line of thinking.

Now people matter more to me than always having to show everyone that I am right, but that was not always the case. When I was young I would argue about anything and everything just to prove to you that I knew more than you. I got older, found out I was not always right and also that arguing with people is simply a waste of time. It is a waste of my time and their time.

I have a couple reasons why I think it is a waste of time. First of all, my arguing with you is not going to make you change your mind. All it is going to do is make you mad at me, even if I prove that you are wrong. People make choices based on cost vs. reward. If the reward out weighs the cost then they will do that. That is where the problem I have seen comes into play. We all make decisions on the cost vs. reward based on flawed logic, faulty information and insider information. Let me explain.

Since people need examples for things to make sense I’m going to give you an example of what I consider to be flawed logic and I will make it a current example pulled from the headlines of the current election. Mitt Romney said that he is not worried about the “very poor” or the “very rich” in America. Now the very rich I can understand. They are doing just fine. He said and I quote, “We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it…” Now in my opinion he believes what he is saying. He also is looking at this through flawed logic. The “very poor” are not doing ok…they are VERY POOR! A safety net may keep them alive, but that does not make them anything but alive very poor people! We may not agree on this one, but that is fine. You can probably take my writings and find some flawed logic that you can point out to me.

 

Faulty information is another reason people make decisions that are wrong even though they think they have weighed the cost vs. reward. This can range from big to small decisions. We all believe some things that simply aren’t true. The problem is this, we believe they are true! If you are convinced that 2 + 2 = 5 then you will never be able to come up with the all the right answers in a math class. Until you change what you believe you will add things up incorrectly.

Finally there is insider information. What I mean in this case by insider information is not what you probably think I’m talking about so I will explain. What I mean is that we all have intentions, motives and reasons we do things. We might make one decision because we know about another decision we are going to have to make in the future. No one else knows all your insider information. We don’t know your motives. We don’t know what really drives you. So to the outside world (everyone else) your cost vs. reward balance is not correct.

That brings me to the reason that I stopped fighting. I know I already lost some of you, but for those still reading here it is. I stopped arguing with people because I can’t change any of the factors that go into their cost vs. reward. I have argued with people and shown them that their logic is flawed and they still didn’t change their mind. Most of the time all I did was make them more upset. When someone believes something that is not true then there are very few times you can get them to change that belief by arguing with them. Also if someone has bigger reasons why they are doing something and that information is not something they want to share then there is truly no reason to argue.

I find it easier for everyone if I just smile and go on my way. If you want my opinion you can ask. I will tell you what I believe to be the truth. What I know now that I didn’t know before is that even when you prove that someone is wrong, they don’t always change their mind or agree with you. I live by the law of love. Loving people is giving them the truth but also knowing when loving the other person is more important than proving to them that you are right.

 

I have seen marriages end, friendships broken and countless people hurt because someone HAD to prove that they were right. When showing you know best or know more becomes more important than the other person then YOU are the one who is working with flawed logic. People matter the most. Keep that in perspective and you will be happier and more fulfilled…at least I am. Love always wins in the long run, no matter what the news says.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

–Mary Elizabeth Frye 1932

 

 

This is not a normal post for me…but what is normal? I have a friend who lost a family member recently and is having to deal with that loss.

Most of us have lost someone that we care about. I have lost my share of both relatives and friends in my life, but we all grieve differently. To say I have been through it would not be fair for me to say. I have lost someone but that does not qualify me to tell you how you should react.

Death is a fact of life. Those of you who read this have different views on life, death and what comes after. One thing we all agree on is that we enjoy having our loved ones here with us. When they are no longer here there is a whole where they once were. I do not believe we cease to exist when our bodies stop working…so I don’t want anyone to stand at my grave and weep. That is why this poem struck a note with me.

I don’t agree with this poem in the “theological” view of afterlife. I do want you (the reader) to remember that even when we don’t get it, others have to work out death for themselves.

Be there for people. Be there when they need to talk. Be quiet when they don’t want to talk. Remember that you don’t know what they need. We all grieve differently. Make sure you care more for the people than you do for your own ability to “fix” a situation. Care. Smile. Listen. Hug. Whatever is needed…be there.

Happiness lies in being, not having

I recently read a friends blog post where she put the following article that she found from the Tulsa World…1969

 

“Recently a circular portrayed a family of four with beaming faces and each loaded down with bundles of goods purchased at a department store – with this caption: “You get more out of life the American way!” It went on to say, “The American way is to open a credit account – Do it today and you’ll begin to get more out of life…the American way!”

That, of course, is one way. But that is not the whole picture of life. There is love and kindness and poetry and beauty and heroic daring; they too, have meaning. Most people seem to think the primary interests of life are material. “How much did he leave?” we ask when some well-to-do man has died. He left all he had. It is not how much? The question is how true; how good; how beautiful; words which are honest, deeds which are just, purposes which are beautiful; these are the highest satisfactions in life.

You see, satisfaction lies not in having, not even in doing, but in being. Yet the idea of having has gone beyond the wildest dreams, and the idea of being is classed among the lost arts. To get the most out of life the human spirit must be something.

Some of the highest satisfactions in life may be found in creative work. Anyone who has ever entered into creative has found meaning and satisfaction in life for it comes out of work more than from any other thing. All great books, paintings, statues and musical compositions were achieved by those who lost themselves in their labors, and worked primarily for the joy in the work.

Consider the idea of creative sharing: In your day’s work, can you spare a kindly word, a friendly greeting, a wave of the hand? These simple actions have magic in them.

Can the idea by the great Idealist, “If you lose your life, you will gain it,” possibly be true? Some have tried it and have not been disappointed.

And you get more out of life by adventurous living. The reverence of the heroic has not died among us. There are still opportunities for adventurous living. They are not all confined to the exploits of the sea and the fields and the air.

Emotional agitations, resentment and violence are still to be curbed; criminal and lower temptations have never lost their power; hate is as deadly as before. What do you suppose would happen, if we should whole-heartedly give ourselves to truth, beauty, goodness as the one passion of our souls?”

by R.E. Dreger, printed in the Tulsa World February 16, 1969

 

The thing that made me laugh the first time I read this was when Dreger referred to Jesus as “the great Idealist”. I had never heard it said that way before. I have been told I’m cheesy and corny. I am told my glass half full view of the world and of people is unrealistic. I try to make people think…but more than that I try to make people think about others instead of always thinking about themselves. That is the thing I see less and less every day. People are consumed with themselves and their own pleasure. I’m not going to say that I don’t lose my focus from time to time but I really do my best to keep my perspective right.

Are you one of the ones that has tried the whole, “If you lose your life, you will gain it,” concept? Have you actually spent time trying to make others lives better? Do you spend more time doing things for others during your week than you do watching TV? I’m not even saying it has to always be the poor or people you don’t know that you need to help. How often do you focus on your family and friends? Do you make them dinner or sit down and listen to how their day went? It seems the longer we know someone the less likely we are to take time to try and make them feel special.

There are exceptions. I have seen couples who have been married for 30 years and still make sure to go out of their way to make their spouse feel loved. That is awesome to see, but I don’t see it very often. Also what about all the other people that you come in contact with? You can make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, but that WILL benefit you in the long run. What about going out of your way to help that person at office who doesn’t like you at all? What about putting away that shopping cart that you almost ran into because someone left it in the parking lot? What about giving your waiter a bigger tip than you think they “deserved” based on their service? We all have ways we can go outside of our normal routine and brighten the day for someone who needs it. Smile, hold the door for someone, say thank you and see what kind of response you get.

Live for others. Try it. I’m not the one who made it up. Life will be better.